Check out this Vid!!! Pretty awesome and the Lyrics are on point!

The Past is Seen Through The Mirror

When people say they know you best, do they really??? Maybe they do, and maybe they don't. Have you ever looked into the sky and just gazed longingly, watching the clouds roll by or even just the serene beauty of rolling blue skies? I did at times. Growing up I never really had friends and the ones I did make well... they always laughed and made fun of me. I look back now and think they really weren't my friends at all. So as grade school continued on through the years, I tried my hardest to fit in, but every thing I seemed to do made people dislike me even more and it was really sad. On the weekends every once in a while, either one or the other sister would have their friends over for a sleepover. Oh how I wished that that would have been me. It never happened actually. I had to either try to fit in with my sisters' friends or try to continue on without friends and so the decision was made. Try and doing are two different things but never succeeding is one complete whole. I was lonely and I mainly had my two sisters and my parents and our dog. She was and still is one of my best-est friends ever. 5th grade rolled around and that was when everything went downhill mentally for me. I started to show signs of depression and hid it very well, that is until I started counseling. This counselor I had was not helpful at all. I will not name names and if I do they won't be the real ones to keep identities safe. She told me I did nothing but lie. Lie lie lie. My mom became so worried about me she didn't know what to do. She asked me to take online self-evaluation tests for depression. I took them, but when she went to show them to the counselor, the counselor told my mom she didn't believe in those tests because they were fake. So my mom listened to her and she kept quite. A few months passed and December rolled around. That one terrible morning I will never forget. My mom collapsed in her room while everyone was getting ready to head to either school or work (for my dad). I could hear my dad screaming "Where's the phone?! Where's the phone?!" I didn't know why at the time until I walked into their bedroom and saw my mom laying there half of her on the bed half on the floor. She had a stroke. It almost killed her. I screamed and screamed, "Don't Die Mommy! Don't Die! You can't leave me here! Please don't leave me!" I can remember the look she gave me. Her eyes half glazed over, she was well on her way back home. The police showed up not even a minute after that. I was pulled away from her side and then the ambulance came. They carried her out and into the truck and away she went to the hospital. While in the Ambulance, she had multiple seizures not only there but at the hospital. They were called pseudo seizures. Not entirely real seizures but still considered to be dangerous. I stayed home from school that day along with my other sisters. We had to stay with a family friend while dad was at the hospital with mom. She didn't come home for two days but the following day of the accident we had to go back to school. One place I did not want to be at. Kids still made fun of me even after hearing about my mom. I was told "What are you going to do if your mom dies? Cry? You're supposed to be grown up you are almost a teenager act like it!" Those were the infamous words of my teacher and they certainly didn't stop there unfortunately. Days went by, then weeks to months. Things were getting better but mom wasn't the same. Month after month passed and we had no more news as to help my mom. To this day we still don't have much there is nothing they can do to help her. All we can do is live with her until the end and then when she finally goes, she will no longer be in the constant pain that she is going through now. 

Unfortunately, this is where this post has to come to a conclusion... To all of the readers follow the blog to learn more about me as next time you will get to travel with me as I go to a special hospital for my mental depression and illnesses. To be continued....